thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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