wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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