My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
And then he peed in my hair
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