need another drink. this is the easiest way
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
