My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
