Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
