I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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