Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
