Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i think my cat just said my name.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
