i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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