Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
