He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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