someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
