I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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