I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
