If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
