My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
