She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
