my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drive I can fine osifer
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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