how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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