my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
