On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
