So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
