there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
