the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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