Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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