We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
