I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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