My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
