I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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