you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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