well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
