She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
