So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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