Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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