If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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