This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
