So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
