Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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