I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
