the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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