hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
