i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
