And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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