My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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