she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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