i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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