cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
