better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
