What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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