No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
