i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
