If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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