Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
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Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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