i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
