my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
