i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
