Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The uberlube is also flammable
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
