woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
