I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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