I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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