you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
