The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
