Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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