guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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