i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
