so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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