I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
